When Life Hands You Lemons…

Make lemonade, just make sure there is vodka involved. That is how I am going to view everything that transpired this weekend between myself and the bearded man.

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We were supposed to go out on Friday night – I had texted him on July 3rd when I came up with a fun date for us to go on. A picnic by the river followed by a production of King Lear at the Peck Pavilion. That’s a great date, right? Right – no one better disagree with me on this one!

After he read a text from me (text message read receipts are the bane of my existence) on July 4th and never responded, I thought I would just wait and see what happened. After all, I was the one who initiated all communication (except for one text). And nothing. Could I have reached out to him, yes I could have. I chose not to because I don’t always want to be the one chasing after someone. There is a fine line between interest and looking pitiful. Plus I am of the mind that if someone is actually interested, they will remain in contact.

As the day progressed, my hope of going out on a date lessened. Good thing I packed my gym bag (can anyone say revenge body?). And after the gym, I ended up going out on a date with two friends and having a grand ol’ time.

At about 9:30 on Friday night, I decided that I had enough of the silence coming from the bearded man.

“Wish you were here” – that’s all he had to say? I was so angry when he sent me that picture that the only response I wanted to send was the ever so graceful middle finger emoji, but I held a firm grasp on my dignity and did not. I waited until Saturday morning to respond. And tried to enjoy my date night with friends (we tried the new brewery, Vennture. I recommend checking it out!)

It took him 12 hours to read and respond to my text. His answers gave me everything that I need to know which is that he isn’t that interested; and his “wish you were here” from Friday night was a big pile crap that he fed to me. I completely understand wanting to celebrate your friend being in remission. That is a huge deal! What I don’t understand is the lack of effort to get in touch with me, to invite me to the party or to reschedule the date.

I took the night to figure out what I wanted to do; and after little sleep, I woke up on Sunday and decided to bid the bearded man adieu. This was not a decision that I came to lightly. I really liked the bearded man, evidently more than he liked me. He read the text, but did not respond. Deep down, I wasn’t expecting him to respond, but I was hurt that he didn’t. It just solidifies that he wasn’t that interested to try and see if he could remedy the situation.

Yes, I know I could have cut him some slack; and there may have been a few instances in which I would have done that: 1. He could have said that he was going to invite me to the party; 2. He could have asked if I were free on Saturday night and rescheduled our date; or 3. He could have actually given me a sincere apology. And he did none of those things.

So I will sit back, drink my vodka lemonade and realize that although life may be a little tart right now, the sweetness will eventually come.

 

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Stop, Collaborate and Listen!

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Stop, collaborate and listen to the person that you are trying to impress on the dating site.

I have been talking to this guy for a little bit now. He seems like a decent guy and he was pretty respectful when he immediately asked for my number and I declined to give it to him. Everyone knows how I feel about that.

Last night, he asked me out for this weekend, specifically to go dancing at Victor’s. I told him that I would have to think about it. Not that I wouldn’t be interested in going out with him, but this is my last free weekend until my birthday at the end of August. Between Irish dance competitions for the kid, Brewers games, Irish Fest and a vacation, I don’t have a weekend available.

He, obviously, can’t take no, maybe or we will see for an answer. He asked me if I had ever been to Jazz in the Park or Bastille Days. Of course, I have been to both. And I knew what he was fishing at with that question. He asked if “we could meet up if wanted then dancing at victors after?” I told him that I just didn’t know if this weekend would work because it’s my last free weekend for awhile; and, selfishly, I want to keep it for myself.

His last response, that I have yet to reply to, was “I guaranty you that I’m a great date and you will be shown nothing but a good time.” That’s great, sir, but your continued asking is doing nothing for you to gain favor with me. In fact, it’s irritating me and making me want to say adios to you for good.

I know this may seem minor to everyone and it is. BUT it also gives me a bit of insight into how he may be in the future. I don’t like being pushed, I don’t like being smothered and if he is already pushing, I think he would do it more in the future.

Why can’t he just accept that this weekend is not good for me? Depending on how I reply to his last message and how he replies, I may be saying good bye to him for good!

There’s Still A Ring on It

Once again, a MARRIED man has approached me on the dating site. He claims to be separated, but so newly separated that I bet the ink isn’t even dry on the papers.

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Why do guys (and I am sure women do this too) think that this is okay? I may have said this before, I get when a marriage is over and truly over. But I also know (from personal experience) that dating before divorce finalization is probably not the best idea a person could have. I did that and ruined a friendship in the process.

I, stupidly agreed, to have coffee with this guy; and now I have to figure out how to bow out gracefully. He told me that he was just looking to meet new people and not necessarily looking for someone to date or a girlfriend. Then why join a dating site? Why not find a meet-up group?

Last night, I found out some additional information about him. We were messaging back and forth throughout the day. He said that had gotten home from dinner with friends to find one of his kids already down for the night; and the other two getting ready for bed. {Three kids – this alone should have me running for the hills!}

After a pause, I asked if he still lived with his wife. Something about his wording made me realize that he wasn’t talking about a babysitter.

Plus should I be worried that he mentioned violence? That seems like a red flag to me too. And no reason to leave immediately – isn’t separation and divorce reason enough?

My gut says that the marriage isn’t really over yet. And there is probably a LOT of baggage and I have enough of my own.

How can you truly move on if you are still living under the same roof?

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

I am so confused right now. I have gone on two really good dates with this guy. Both many hours long, no weird lulls in the conversation and the kiss…I have no complaints!

So why am I confused?!?!? Because outside of the dates, he has put little to no effort into contacting me except to respond when I text him (and I don’t text him often because I don’t want to be THAT person). There was one exception to this pattern…Saturday night. He texts me this picture:

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I asked him if he chose that bottle purposefully and he responded “Maybe ;-)”. I told him that was sweet and there was a little bit of banter for another 4-5 texts. So he does know how to flirt when not in person. Good to know!

Yesterday, I texted him that I had a meeting in Bay View on Wednesday until 8 and asked if he wanted to get a late night drink and bite to eat. He can’t as he has a meeting as well. So I threw out a few more dates that I was free and he wasn’t free on any of them. He is a Mason and claims that he has Masonic events on all of these dates – that could be true, I have no idea how many events Masons actually have. He has pithy responses about how thinks this is like a game of “Battleship”, yet he doesn’t throw out any dates for me to consider until I get snarky. I told him that he could reach out to me when he had a free block of time in his schedule. Then all of a sudden, he had some dates for me. Unfortunately, I am busy, but he tried.

So why did it take my getting snarky with him? He seems interested, but maybe he just doesn’t know how to initiate things? We, finally, settled on a date or two at the END of the month. I am going to give him one more date and see what happens. If he doesn’t initiate a fourth date, I have initiated the past two, soon to be three, I am kicking him to the curb. I want a guy who is going to put in the same amount of effort as I am. Although I will admit that I tend to cut and run sooner than maybe I should.

Since our next date isn’t for 20 more days, I will be interested to see if he reaches out to me in the meantime and more than a day or two beforehand to set a time and a place.

And I don’t want to kick him to the curb for a variety of reasons – he is smart, he has a great beard, he is cute, super kind, there are some tingles and he is going through some family shit with his dad right now, BUT I also want a guy who wants me like I want him – see, I am confused!

Kind readers, what should I do? How long should I continue to hang in there for?

 

Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby…

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I like sex as much as the next person. I like talking about sex. What I don’t like is five or so messages into an initial conversation, the guy ONLY talking about sex. At this point, I don’t know if I want to have sex with him – can I get to know him first? And his vague profile doesn’t help me learn more about him.

But when I called Mr. Sex out, he get cranky at me because although he claims to be “open, honest, up front, blunt yet respectful of others feelings”, he obviously can only dish it out and not take it in.

I should have been more wary about even engaging with Mr. Sex based on his very first message to me. But I wasn’t because he was merely commenting on a question that I had chosen to answer on the dating site. I can’t fault him for that if I am going to put the information out there.

Everything started out swimmingly, Mr. Sex was respectful of my decision to not give out my phone number right away (a lot of guys aren’t), he asked what I did for a living, told me what he did for a living (and no he didn’t think it was an unreasonable question), told me the basic area where he lived, I reciprocated and then…

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Some people may say that I jumped to unfair conclusions, but I really don’t think I did. If you talk about sex, it’s on your mind A LOT. And that is probably how you choose to initially connect with women. That may work for some women, but it doesn’t work for me. And does his “bigger picture” involve nudes – I am pretty sure that it would.

Thank you Mr. Sex for having to get the last word in. That doesn’t illustrate that you are a good guy, that illustrates that you are pompous and arrogant. And you probably think that you are God’s gift to women – guess what? You probably aren’t.

I am not a prude in any way, shape or form, but shouldn’t a person want to get to know someone before discussing their love of oral sex? I think so.

Ladies and gents, what are your opinions?

It’s Just a Job

Oh my gosh, people! Get thee minds out of the gutter. I am talking about your job, the employment that pays your bills.

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This past week, I started messaging with a guy. It was going along swimmingly until…I asked him what he did for a living. I thought this was a normal question to ask when getting to know someone. It may provide a bit of insight into his being, what makes him tick. For example, I was talking to this other guy and he told me that he was a car salesman. I jokingly said “a sleazy car salesperson!” I know, I know that is a sweeping generalization, but guess what? It was true. He was kind of sleazy.

I know that the job doesn’t make the man (or woman). But I am always intrigued by what people do, how they spend their days.

The way this guy reacted, you would have thought I wanted the nuclear launch codes!

Just because I tell you what I do for a living doesn’t mean that you know my financial status. I am the Director of Development for a nonprofit – depending on size and scope of the nonprofit, I could make $30,000 or I could make $500,000. {Let me just say it is nowhere near $500,000!}

I am guessing that either this guy doesn’t make a ton (so what!) or does make a ton and doesn’t want to be a sugar daddy. Thanks, but no thanks – I can support myself. Needless to say, I still don’t know what he does for a living.

I didn’t know asking a person what they did for a living was such a dating faux pas! Do you agree or disagree?

I Never Did Like the Circus

Why are people so incredibly dumb? Maybe they aren’t dumb, maybe they are just naive, or maybe it’s arrogance.

I was supposed to go out with a guy tomorrow night – dinner, drinks, just something casual. I knew that he was seeing someone else – he has been very upfront about that with me. I was fine with it until he told me that he is meeting her for drinks tomorrow night after our date. WHAT THE HELL! Why would you tell one date that you had a second date planned for the same night?

 

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Now it makes sense that he said he was only free until 8pm, but I thought that was because he had to get home to relieve the babysitter. I guess not.

I get that people date more than one person at a time; and I have always said that as long as you are upfront about it, that’s cool. But this may be a little bit too upfront and honest for me.

It brings up these questions for me: why did I get the early date? Am I not good enough to spend the entire evening with? Was he already planning that our date wouldn’t go well? And when has having two dates on one night ever go as planned? Did his second date know about his date with me? And finally, did he think that this night would end up with all three of us together?

As far as I am concerned, he is just a clown who can’t keep all of his balls in the air.