Let’s Talk About Sex, Baby…

Lets_talk_sex-front

I like sex as much as the next person. I like talking about sex. What I don’t like is five or so messages into an initial conversation, the guy ONLY talking about sex. At this point, I don’t know if I want to have sex with him – can I get to know him first? And his vague profile doesn’t help me learn more about him.

But when I called Mr. Sex out, he get cranky at me because although he claims to be “open, honest, up front, blunt yet respectful of others feelings”, he obviously can only dish it out and not take it in.

I should have been more wary about even engaging with Mr. Sex based on his very first message to me. But I wasn’t because he was merely commenting on a question that I had chosen to answer on the dating site. I can’t fault him for that if I am going to put the information out there.

Everything started out swimmingly, Mr. Sex was respectful of my decision to not give out my phone number right away (a lot of guys aren’t), he asked what I did for a living, told me what he did for a living (and no he didn’t think it was an unreasonable question), told me the basic area where he lived, I reciprocated and then…

Blog 5

Some people may say that I jumped to unfair conclusions, but I really don’t think I did. If you talk about sex, it’s on your mind A LOT. And that is probably how you choose to initially connect with women. That may work for some women, but it doesn’t work for me. And does his “bigger picture” involve nudes – I am pretty sure that it would.

Thank you Mr. Sex for having to get the last word in. That doesn’t illustrate that you are a good guy, that illustrates that you are pompous and arrogant. And you probably think that you are God’s gift to women – guess what? You probably aren’t.

I am not a prude in any way, shape or form, but shouldn’t a person want to get to know someone before discussing their love of oral sex? I think so.

Ladies and gents, what are your opinions?

Advertisements

It’s Just a Job

Oh my gosh, people! Get thee minds out of the gutter. I am talking about your job, the employment that pays your bills.

Screen-shot-2011-04-15-at-Apr-15-2011-2.31.40-AM-

This past week, I started messaging with a guy. It was going along swimmingly until…I asked him what he did for a living. I thought this was a normal question to ask when getting to know someone. It may provide a bit of insight into his being, what makes him tick. For example, I was talking to this other guy and he told me that he was a car salesman. I jokingly said “a sleazy car salesperson!” I know, I know that is a sweeping generalization, but guess what? It was true. He was kind of sleazy.

I know that the job doesn’t make the man (or woman). But I am always intrigued by what people do, how they spend their days.

The way this guy reacted, you would have thought I wanted the nuclear launch codes!

Just because I tell you what I do for a living doesn’t mean that you know my financial status. I am the Director of Development for a nonprofit – depending on size and scope of the nonprofit, I could make $30,000 or I could make $500,000. {Let me just say it is nowhere near $500,000!}

I am guessing that either this guy doesn’t make a ton (so what!) or does make a ton and doesn’t want to be a sugar daddy. Thanks, but no thanks – I can support myself. Needless to say, I still don’t know what he does for a living.

I didn’t know asking a person what they did for a living was such a dating faux pas! Do you agree or disagree?

I Never Did Like the Circus

Why are people so incredibly dumb? Maybe they aren’t dumb, maybe they are just naive, or maybe it’s arrogance.

I was supposed to go out with a guy tomorrow night – dinner, drinks, just something casual. I knew that he was seeing someone else – he has been very upfront about that with me. I was fine with it until he told me that he is meeting her for drinks tomorrow night after our date. WHAT THE HELL! Why would you tell one date that you had a second date planned for the same night?

 

938e9a745007ebd8419854690740ce3f--no-drama-admiration

Now it makes sense that he said he was only free until 8pm, but I thought that was because he had to get home to relieve the babysitter. I guess not.

I get that people date more than one person at a time; and I have always said that as long as you are upfront about it, that’s cool. But this may be a little bit too upfront and honest for me.

It brings up these questions for me: why did I get the early date? Am I not good enough to spend the entire evening with? Was he already planning that our date wouldn’t go well? And when has having two dates on one night ever go as planned? Did his second date know about his date with me? And finally, did he think that this night would end up with all three of us together?

As far as I am concerned, he is just a clown who can’t keep all of his balls in the air.

 

867-530…Nope!

What is it with guys who ask for your phone number right away? Seriously, do they think that women are just going to give out their numbers that easily? Actually, they probably do. And I am sure some women do, but not this one. And honestly, texting is just the same as messaging on a dating app. It’s not harder, it’s not easier. IT’S EXACTLY THE SAME! {And let’s get real, very few guys, and girls, will actually use that number to pick up the phone and call. But wouldn’t that be nice if they did?}image description

I run into this all the time and usually the guy backs off and respects my wishes to communicate through the app. And if he doesn’t, we don’t communicate at all.

This guy…he could not get it through his thick skull that I wasn’t going to give him my number. Then he suggested Google Voice, still not doing that. He was a persistent man. I give him a tiny bit of credit for that, but when a woman says no, respect that.

Ladies, what is your preference? To keep it on the app or to give out your number right away? And gentleman, why so quick on the asking for the number trigger?

Well Fiddle Dee Dee

I know I have been MIA lately…that’s because up until a few weeks ago, my dating life had all but disappeared.

And then Rhett happened. Yes Rhett, as in Rhett Butler, the main man in my most favorite book of all time. What are the odds? Besides this guy having a pretty awesome name, he was 42, never married, didn’t want kids, had a {good} job – things were looking up. The only downfall was that he lived in St. Louis, but what’s a few hours? Right? {And as a few people reminded me, I don’t like nor need to see the person that I am dating all the time so the distance shouldn’t be a big deal.}

gwtw-scarlett_3245940b

We spent about a week messaging on the dating app; and then I bit the bullet and gave him my number. Our text conversations were light and fun, with a side of cheekiness. Our phone conversations flowed and were a bit on the longer side – all good things.

He was very excited about the possibility of meeting and when we could meet. Living almost 6 hours apart, it took a bit more time and planning than a regular date. We picked a weekend, this upcoming weekend in fact, and he was going to come up to good ol’ MKE. Fantastic, awesome, fun! I started planning a few things to do to showcase the city – a brewery tour or two, the Lakefront and dinner at a fun Third Ward restaurant. Rhett even said that he would find a place to stay. I wasn’t planning on having him stay at my house, but it was nice that I didn’t have to broach the subject with him.

{On a side note, the kid found out that he was coming to visit and all she asked was that I not get killed. Thanks kid – that’s my goal too.}

Texts were flowing, conversations were happening and then…zip, zilch, nada. The last time I heard from him was when he told me he was drinking screwdrivers on NYE.

scarlett-ohara

I waited a couple days and sent a simple “Are you ignoring me now?” No response to that. So I waited another two days and sent him this…

rhett (1)

I am done putting up with the bullshit and crap from guys who think that they can just disappear with no reason or explanation. And if he wasn’t intentionally ghosting me what was he doing? And still no response to my last question to him. Maybe he was breadcrumbing me, but then why would he be so persistent and start to make plans to drive 6 hours and meet me! As I told my friend, I am flummoxed.

So this is what I have to say to Rhett: “Sir, you are no gentleman! First you take low, common advantage of me, then you insult me.”

scarlett

I Have to Admit Something…

What I am about to say is tough and some of you may not believe it as it so rarely happens. But…I may have messed up and been wrong about a decision that I made. I know, I know. It’s shocking! But on the rarest of occasions, it does happen.

If you weren’t sitting down when you read that, I do apologize. I hope that no great bodily harm was caused if you fell over in disbelief.

70ed8e241aaae3e40b6ab7ed0f236290

I was supposed to go out with this guy, Not Mosby (yes he got a nickname, read about more nicknames here), a week ago. We didn’t have any definitive plans set, just a proposed time on the proposed day. When a fun event came up, a friend’s drag show, I asked Not Mosby if he wanted to go with me. He said no because “that’s not for me.” Of course, I went negative and got all defensive. Why didn’t he want to go? Does he think there is something wrong with drag queens? I, politely, asked him why drag shows are not for him.

His response was “Just not my thing. We will come up with something.” In my mind, I had come up with something – sucks to be him that he didn’t want to go along for the ride. {And yes, I fully realize that drag shows aren’t every person’s cup of tea.} I told Not Mosby that we would have to reschedule the date because my friend isn’t in town often. But I did ask him to let me know when he was free again.

And I waited and waited and waited for a response. And…crickets! On Sunday, I messaged him on the app because I didn’t have his phone number (he had mine although he never, ever used it – odd, right?). I reiterated that I hoped we could find another time to meet. I will admit that finding a time to meet was difficult. His work schedule (he’s a murse who works PMs), my placement schedule with the kid, etc made it hard. And…crickets…

At this point, I was getting irritated by his lack of response so I messaged him one last time. This was 4 days after the last message. Don’t worry, I wasn’t pinging his phone every 5 minutes.

My message was this: “So I will take it to mean that you have decided against wanting to meet since you have not responded to either of my past messages. If that is not the case, please let me know. If it is, I would have appreciated a heads up as well. If you are moving on from wanting to meet me, good luck in your future endeavors.”

He FINALLY responded, almost 24 hours after I sent that message, with “Our schedules just don’t work together. It was nice talking with you, but it wasn’t meant to be. Good luck to you”

bfa028379374297b34fbf4ebd7d33798

Ok fine…lame reason, but I can’t do anything besides accept it. Here’s the thing – what would you have done? Was I in the wrong by cancelling the date to go and see my friend’s drag show? Or would you have done the same thing? I am not having regrets because my friend’s show was AMAZING! But I can’t help but wonder. Like I said, Not Mosby and I didn’t have any firm plans, no tickets had been purchased, etc.

I hope he wasn’t the one (not that I am even sure that exists). And if he was the one, I hope there is a different one out there waiting for me. Preferably one that enjoys drag shows!

Ms. Independent (Pt. 3)

Here is the rousing conclusion (I think?) to my epic three part blog about independent and strong willed women.

So far, I have regaled you with tales about my experiences along with a handful of responses from my female friends. For this part 3, I turned to the men. I asked the men in the land of Facebook, “are you attracted to or do you shy away from women who portray a strong and independent nature?”

What I found interesting in asking this question to men was the amount of responses that compared being independent and strong willed to being a bitch. Are some women just straight up bitches? Yes, most definitely. {Just like some guys are straight up assholes.} Would I call myself a bitch on certain days – heck yes I would. But I don’t necessarily equate being independent and strong willed to being a bitch. Now, I don’t think that is what these guys meant (at least I hope not), but it is an interesting observation.

One guy’s response was to “not confuse strong and independent with flat out bitchiness. I have been with a lot of women who thought sassiness was cute and bitchiness was ‘who I am’.” The same guy said most average guys look for the middle ground in relationships.

Another person swapped out the word independent for opinionated in his answer. Do those two words go hand in hand? Sometimes, yes and sometimes, no. I don’t think they are mutually exclusive. The woman that this man explained was very outspoken and polarized. He went on to say that they had very toxic relationship – the woman that he described didn’t sound strong willed and independent, she sounded like a straight up crazy person.

Another male friend stated “I definitely think a strong, confident, independent woman is very attractive. In my opinion, if men shy away from it they are intimidated or too insecure to handle it. My wife is all the above and we work amazing together. We push each other to be the absolute best we can be in our careers, parents or whatever may come across our path.” Can I meet a guy like him – a man who is secure with in himself so that he can be secure with who I am? 

Another friend stated that he had dated a few men who were obsessively independent. When I saw this, I thought “oh crap, that sounds like me.” I am independent almost to a fault, but the women he meant were the “one uppers” or “overachievers”. I don’t quite understand how being an overachiever is a bad thing if it makes you happy.

The overall tone was that women who come across as too strong willed and too independent are thought of as bitchy. {But a few guys said that men can be huge assholes as well.} Is this true? I really hope not.

3c1e31c7534bcffef2df18718d4c0a1f

Do I think that all men think this way – no, I don’t. Do I think that all women have experienced the negativity that my friends and I have – no, I don’t. Do I think it is more commonplace than anyone realizes – yes, I do.

I am going to change? No – I will remain strong willed and independent and hope that I can meet a man who is strong willed and independent as well and doesn’t run from being with me.