Please Indulge Me

As my long time readers know, I am not one to be “oh woe is me” in my posts. But just this once, I ask that you indulge me.

Blanche

This past week, I was talking with a guy. Everything seemed to be going swimmingly. We seemed to have a lot in common; and I allowed myself to actually get excited about meeting him (that doesn’t happen a lot anymore). We made tentative plans to watch the World Cup game on Sunday. I jokingly told him that I hate tentative plans and his response “I hate them too”, made my heart flutter. He claimed that he needed to keep them tentative because his sister is moving to Vegas and that may be the day of the going away party for her. At that time, I totally understood. Family is a great reason for plans to be tentative. Now I think he is a big fat liar who thought he could string me along for the time being.

We continued to text all day, every day until Friday. He stopped texting me around noon – no biggie, I had other stuff to do. And at that point, he claimed that he didn’t know about the weekend still – I find it hard to believe that you wouldn’t have solidified plans for a going away party by Friday at noon. I did text him on Saturday around 4:30 to see how his Friday night was. And…crickets.

Deep down, I know it’s him and not me. But I am so sick and tired of this happening – it happens ALL THE TIME! So I got into kind of a funk and started thinking about what is wrong with me. And why guys don’t want to pull the trigger and go out with me. Again, I realize it is them and not me. But I can’t help but think what if it is me? Oh the thoughts going through my head.

I, also, wish guys would just by honest. I know having “those” kind of conversations sucks, but be an adult and figure it out. I am so close to saying fuck it and giving up on dating. Yet there is 5% of me that keeps holding out hope that I will meet a cool guy who wants to be with me.

Thank you for indulging me. I really appreciate it. Now back to my regularly scheduled blog posts.

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Waiting and Waiting

Last week I had a very nice date with who I thought was a cool guy. I did postpone our initial date because I was having a rough day and needed that night for myself to recharge. He was very understanding and we rescheduled.

He was extremely willing to drive up from Illinois which was great because there isn’t much in between where he lives and Milwaukee. We met at a bar for drinks, dinner and conversation. There were a few awkward pauses, but it was a first date and those are to be expected. We talked, laughed and had a nice time for three hours. There weren’t major fireworks or even a small spark, but I know that sometimes those take time to develop.

The only yuck part of the date was that he didn’t walk to me my car. It’s not required, but it is always a nice gesture.

me-waiting-for-you-to-ask-me-out

Since our date last Thursday, he has texted me every morning and throughout the day. BUT he had yet to book a second date. I did the asking for the first date so didn’t really want to ask him out again. I wanted to feel like he was interested and wanted to see me again. Is that too much to ask?

I do know that he is introverted and did really appreciate me making the first move – he said as much. So yesterday, I texted him and asked what was going on and if anything else was going to happen. And…crickets…

I guess I have my answer. I am bummed, yes. I am incredibly distraught, no. His loss.

On to the next guy! Oh wait, there is no next guy…yet.

 

My Week in Review

funny-dating-meme

I don’t have a silly, funny or irritating story to tell so instead I thought I would do a “Week in Review” and share two of the guys and the messages that I dealt with this week.

Example One: The Rant

Example Two: The Sex Talk

And obviously you do need some luck, guy, since you are on the same dating site that I am on.

On a positive note, I have a date on Tuesday night! Fingers crossed and I will keep everyone posted on the outcome.

Full Disclosure

I went on a very nice first date last weekend. We went out for tacos and drinks – he was speaking my language especially since he chose one of my favorite Mexican dive restaurants to meet at. Plus who doesn’t like a Sunday Funday?

Conversation was good, we learned a lot about each other, got some family talk out of the way and laughed quite a bit. Then he shared a bit of information that made me want to slam on the brakes…

married-but-separated

Yep, he is still married and just moved out in December. Now, as a divorced woman, I get that when a marriage is truly over, it is over. But I also understand the emotional roller coaster that is separation and divorce. I find it hard to believe that someone who was still cohabiting with his wife until December is emotionally ready to date. Now, I fully admit that I could be wrong.

But my bigger issue is that he did not disclose on his dating profile that he is separated or that he has been married not once, but twice. I am all for full disclosure on your dating profile otherwise it comes across as though you are trying to hide something. I really hope he isn’t hiding something – like he isn’t actually separated. He does say that he values honesty in all forms so I really hope he isn’t lying.

I have not decided if I am going to see him again. We have been communicating some this week and he did reference a “next time” – yet he hasn’t actually asked me out again. I still need to give this some thought – on one hand, I had a really nice time with him; on the other hand, he didn’t disclose what I think is some pretty crucial information.

I don’t think it’s wrong to say you are single if you are actually divorced because technically you are single. But I do have strong feelings that if you are still married or separated, you should disclose that. What do you think? Is it okay to not disclose your marital status on your dating profile? Or should you?

 

The Most Offensive Question

In dating, what do you think is the most offensive question you can ask someone? I bet you will never guess what it is…no, it doesn’t have to do with sex, drugs or politics.

It is…drumroll please…what do you like to do for fun or some variation of that. Seriously, I have had so many guys not respond to me after I ask that question. What? Do they have no fun in their lives at all?

But this guy’s reaction to that question takes the cake. I would love to show you our interaction, but I can’t. You will find out why momentarily. Our interaction went like this.

Me: So what do you like to do for fun?
(This was after a few introductory messages)
Him: Good Morning beautiful. Sorry I didn’t get back to you last, I worked 61 hours over the past week and still have a half day today. Here’s my number…call me or text me sometime soon. I live on…I think we live close to each other.
Me: I don’t give out my phone number that quickly (we had been messaging for one day).
Him: Ok
Me: Let me ask again, what do you like to do for fun? And what do you do for work that had you logging so many hours.

This was his response…

 

I would love to know why that question is so offensive! Usually when I ask it, it’s because the guy doesn’t have much, if any, on his profile to ask questions about.

Does anyone have any insight? Help me figure this out.

The Joke Heard ‘Round the World

So here I am again. Sorry that I have been MIA for a bit, but things had been pretty stale lately. Except for the influx of messages right around New Year’s Eve from guys only looking for a NYE booty call.

But back to the topic at hand, I had been talking to this guy for awhile and we were finally able to connect on January 17th after a failed attempt at a date on New Year’s Day.

Our first date was great, 3.5 hours, dinner and drinks and conversation, LOTS of it. And did I mention that he is bearded, tattooed AND pierced – the winning trifecta. Now only if his hair had been brunette. But I can’t get everything that I want. And he booked the second date at the end of the first date, not an exact date, but there was an ask and an understanding that a second date would occur.

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The next day, I was texting with Mr. Trifecta and realized that I had the following Sunday free. So we made plans for brunch. Another great date occurred; and I discovered a new amazing brunch place in Bay View.

We kept texting all week and set another date for February 13th – yes three weeks later, but with kids and work, it’s what worked for us. Seeing as how this would be the third date and he had been trying to text “fun” things to me (don’t worry, I put the kibosh on that right away!), I jokingly said “…well, I know what you want to do”. And then this happened…

Who freaks out about a joke about a chastity belt! Come on – relax a little bit. Especially with the things that he had said he wanted to tell me – like I said, I nipped THOSE conversations in the bud right away. I am not a prude, but I am not going to engage in that over text where screenshots can be taken and shared with the world. He even wanted to send me an unsolicited d*^k pic to show me his piercing. I passed on that as well.

You would think that he would be able to take a joke like that in stride, obviously not. And after that nothing…and I haven’t reached out as well mostly because I was usually (90% of the time) the person reaching out. It’s been a week – I guess this ship has sailed.

I guess this bearded, tattooed, pierced man just couldn’t handle me. And this was after I asked if he could be with someone as sarcastic and upfront as I can be. He assured me that he could and that he would probably even challenge me. Guess not!

Moving on to the next bearded and tattooed man…

 

 

Hello? Hello?

Why do guys think it is acceptable, attractive or whatever you want call it to message a woman repeatedly after they receive no response? This happens more often than you would think!

If I message a guy and don’t get a response, do I send another message? Absolutely not! I figure he wasn’t interested and move on. Sometimes it bums me out, but usually I shake it off and find another guy to pursue.

There are a lot of reasons why I may not reply right away. Maybe I am not sure if I am interested; maybe I can’t respond right that moment; maybe I need time to craft a great response.

desperate-seeker

This guy messaged me this morning at 5:50am with the oh so amazing message of “Hi”. He just messaged me again at 11:31am. Again, with the engaging message of “Hi”.

The same thing happened yesterday and today with another guy. This guy messaged me last night at 9:04pm and again this morning at 6:31am.

What does this say about these guys? Are they desperate, so incredibly interested and attracted to me that they just can’t let me go without a fight or are they so self-centered that they can’t understand why I wouldn’t be interested. Or maybe a bit of both?

Should I not be so irritated by this? Let’s be honest, I am irritated by most facets of online dating, but this might be close to the top of my list.

*Disclaimer: A lot of the time, I do respond to guys to say thank you, but I am not interested.*