He’s Not Like Other Guys…I Call BS

I met a guy that I was incredibly jazzed about. He was a friend of a friend, but we didn’t technically meet through her. He messaged me on Facebook, we got to talking and hit it off.

This was on a Thursday night – we messaged for a couple of hours and he asked if I wanted to get a drink on Friday night. Normally, I don’t accept last minute dates, but I figured why the heck not (I had just been ghosted by a guy and had just gone through the catfishing nonsense).

We made plans to chat on Friday and firm up Friday night. He had to watch his son play football so we weren’t going to meet until after the game. It reminded me of college – getting ready to go at 8:30 and not leaving the house until almost 9:30. We met at a local bar and spent FOUR hours together. It was such a blast.

We texted all weekend, the texts were flirty and fun, yet I continued to get to know him. He repeatedly said he wasn’t like other guys and so far, he wasn’t acting like the rash of idiots that I had been dealing with as of late. We met up on Monday night for a quick coffee date while the kid was at dance. Again, the conversation (and kisses) flowed. I couldn’t see him again that week, but the flirty and fun texts continued.

A week later, we spent some more time together. Things were looking up – I was even contemplating how soon was too soon to delete all of my dating site apps. The texts continued in the same vein for the majority of the week and then…almost crickets! Some texts, but they were short and to the point. No more flirting! I had a busy weekend so I didn’t ruminate on this latest development too much.

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He messaged me on Monday very, very briefly and so unlike our previous texts. I said that I was having dinner with a friend, but asked if he wanted to get together and nothing. So on Tuesday, I sent him “the text”…you know the one. I am not just going to sit around and waste my time if a guy isn’t interested. All I got back was “just been busy.” I am no longer going to let guys control everything – I am not that kind of girl. So if this makes me crazy or pushy or needy, so be it. But I am not going to put up with the bullshit anymore.

I am still incredibly confused, and I don’t get what is going on. He hasn’t accepted any of my invitations (I have extended 2) to spend time together in over a week. It just sucks because I was, and still am, incredibly attracted to him. And I haven’t enjoyed being a guy this much in a long time.

So ladies, what should I do? My gut says to move on, but it’s really hard with this guy. I figure I will give it a bit more time and if nothing happens, I will give him the ol’ heave ho.

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Bursting the Male Ego…Unintentionally

tumblr_p7hyudG89u1s9c6nao1_1280Oh the male ego – who knew that men were so fragile? And no, this isn’t a commentary on how men need to be strong, masculine, etc – it’s more about how they can’t seem to accept a rejection with grace; and move on without having to push back to make whatever point they are trying to make over and over and over again.

Within the last two weeks, one of my closest friends and I have both had run ins with the male ego.

It’s so frustrating! Irritating! Absurd! All of the above!

My friend’s run in with the male ego dealt with a topic a bit more serious than mine did, but it still revolved around a guy not taking no for answer and trying to man-splain to her why she should want to go out on date number 2 with him. She had gone out on a coffee date with this guy on a Friday, he texted her later that weekend and asked her to go out on a second date. She hemmed and hawed about it, we had a long conversation about it and she decided to trust her gut and decline because she had uncovered a large red flag about him. Well, not so much uncovered it as he told her outright. 

I think his text messages explain it way better than I ever could…

 

Good riddance? Good riddance to him!

My run in with the male ego dealt with a guy who had ghosted me for a date. We were supposed to go out (the same night as my friend had her date), but I never heard from him after he told me that he couldn’t meet until after 7 as his daughters were with him until then. I was fine with that – I don’t want to be with a guy who would ditch his kids. 

Quite a few days later (!), he had the nerve to text me. I didn’t respond to the text right away, sought intelligent counsel and decided to respond in with one word. 

Again, I look to text messages to enlighten you all…

(I didn’t tell him that the reason I didn’t wish to pursue this is that I ended up having a different date that night that went swimmingly.)

My friend and I decided that there has definitely been an uptick in men not being able to accept no. I definitely didn’t deal with this in the past as much as I have dealt with it lately. 

So what is going on? Why can’t guys just accept what you say (and yes, I know women do this too). 

“Him” (Pt. 2)

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Last night, I decided to have a little fun with Mr. Catfish. My friend, Brittany, has been dying to let me let her respond to guys who contact me on the dating sites that I am on. I have always said no, but last night I said YES! And happily handed my phone over to her.

Is what we did mature, heck no! But was it funny, absolutely! We started out by sharing the blog post that I wrote. What followed was nothing short of genius. I wish I could have gotten a picture of her double fisting phones while doing research on catfish on her phone and sending responses on my phone.

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I hoped that these messages would be the end of it. Was it? Of course not! I woke up at 3:30 am to this message…5 (1)

Is Mr. Catfish really that dense that he doesn’t know I am talking about him? Or does he just not care? I didn’t respond and I don’t plan on it. But I am going to keep the messaging app for another day or so just to see what happens.

I will admit for about 5 seconds, I did wonder if I messed up and he wasn’t really catfishing me. I came to my senses and realized his response is classically narcissistic. And with all the evidence, there is no way that anything else was happening.

Hey Mr. Catfish you were caught! And guess what? I let the two other guys know that you have been using their pictures to pick up women.

Here’s some free advice Mr. Catfish – stop swimming upstream, doing what you are doing and be real – you may actually hook a woman that way.

“Him” (Pt. 1)

So…I come to you, friends and loyal readers, and ask you to not pass judgment on what I am about to put out here. I, one of the most jaded people around, was fooled; and now I feel like an idiot.

I…WAS…CATFISHED…

This person approached me on one of the dating sites that I am on. I almost (and I should have) passed on him because he is military. Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t date military, cops or firefighters for various reasons. But for a million reasons that I can’t seem to remember, I engaged with Mr. Catfish. Oh wait, for one, Mr. Catfish was GORGEOUS! Like Toronto level gorgeous. And he wrote in full and complete sentences with punctuation.

So I started chatting with him, after a few days of messaging on the dating site, he asked to move to a different chat app. I agreed. Once again, I am not sure why – I have never done that before. But I rationalized that it is no different than messaging on the dating site or texting.

Things seemed to be going well and we seemed to be connecting. I was still nervous about the whole military thing – how do you like a person, but don’t like the job that this person has? I figured I would cross the bridge when it was absolutely necessary.

Over the past few days, Mr. Catfish would say things that didn’t quite make sense to me, but I know little to nothing about the military and its operations so I went along with it while ignoring the tiny niggling feeling in my stomach. I did question Mr. Catfish a bit, but he seemed to have answers that made sense or could make sense if I didn’t think too hard about them.

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I even googled Mr. Catfish using the name that I had been provided via the messaging app. Interestingly enough, a guy came up on the Google search that had a very similar background as this person, but enough differences that a person could look past the similarities to focus on the differences. And the name that had been provided to me was a name that could be quite common. I did notice that one of the pictures Mr. Catfish has posted on the messaging app did look like the other guy that my Google search found. At that point, I don’t know why I didn’t say anything – who knows, I was too caught up in the moment.

This morning, a friend texted me; that text really planted a huge seed of doubt in my head. I had told her about Mr. Catfish last night. She said that the information seemed oddly similar to what a guy on the same dating site had shared with her. There were enough tiny details that I thought maybe it wasn’t the same person, but I wasn’t going to ignore my gut feelings again.

Since I had pictures that Mr. Catfish had sent me, I decided to do a Google image search. HOLY SHIT – it’s a good thing I was sitting down when the search was complete and that I have pretty good heart health. If not, I would have been passed out on the floor after having a heart attack.

My search led me to an Instagram page of a guy; and every single picture that Mr. Catfish had on his dating profile (which is no longer on the site) or he had sent me, was on this IG page.

I had been catfished…I am sick to my stomach, distracted and just want to curl up in a ball and die. How did an intelligent, jaded woman such as myself fall for this?

To be continued…

Shock and Awe (Well That’s a First Pt. 2)

As I opened up the dating app yesterday, I braced myself. After last week’s angry messages, I am more cautious than ever because I have no clue what I am going to come across.

My caution quickly turned to shock and awe. To quote Hitch, the messages were “shockingly awful.”

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Yet another man called me “hun” AND took it to the next level with “mummy”. What the hell is that? I don’t know if he has some weird Oedipal complex, but I never want to find out.

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And yes, he did give me a seven digit number in an earlier conversation, but no area code! So how was I supposed to call him even if I wanted to?

This was also the guy who’s first message to me was “hello white girl” – why do I even bother responding? Mostly because I had a snarky response and I thought that would be the end of it.

He hasn’t contacted me again after his last message; and I hope he doesn’t. IF he does, I am all set to block him and his creepy self.

Here’s to many fantastic messages to offset all the shitty ones I have received lately. Cheers!

 

Well That’s a First

In the past week, I have been “yelled” at by two different men on a dating site for expressing my needs and requirements for contacting me.

The first guy couldn’t handle my asking what punctuation did to him since he never seemed to use it. The response that my simple question, “Do you have something against punctuation?”, elicited was astounding! I am still not sure that it actually happened, good thing I have the proof.

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This may have been the first time I have ever been called a douche bag! And I really hope that it is the last. And I really enjoy that he completely jumped to the conclusion that I wasn’t interested. Was I interested? I am not really sure. We hadn’t messaged much before he became a complete asshole.

Behind door number 2 is the guy who kept calling me “hun”. It says right in my profile to please not call me terms of endearment or pet names. I don’t know you! You have not earned the right yet. And even if I do know you, please don’t.

Besides the fact that I had to decode his messages, he was not winning me over in any way. Was I crushed by his rejection? No, not at all. Was I shocked by his response to my request? Yes, yes I was.

To me it shows a lack of respect towards what I think is a simple request.

As my sissy said last night “not your type anyways.” She speaks the truth. The first guy was really not my type, but the second guy…he could have been, but I guess we will never know.

So men {and women} next time a person that you are interacting with on a dating site asks you to not do something, don’t get cranky. Either do it or don’t, but don’t be an ass.

Oh Canada!

Flag_of_CanadaOh Canada, you gave us so much to like. From the clean food to a clean city; from great new development to a lot of green space; from one handsome man to another handsome man to appreciate.

Seriously! The men in Toronto took looking good to a whole new level. While in the financial district on Tuesday {we were visiting the Hockey Hall of Fame}, we have never seen so many suited men in such a small area. Every way we looked, it was one suited man after another. And not in boring black or navy suits, but grey and royal blue too.

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We now have a new scale on which to rate men – 0 to Toronto. So men, step up your game! We want to see some blue suits gracing the bods of our Milwaukee men!