Hello? Hello?

Why do guys think it is acceptable, attractive or whatever you want call it to message a woman repeatedly after they receive no response? This happens more often than you would think!

If I message a guy and don’t get a response, do I send another message? Absolutely not! I figure he wasn’t interested and move on. Sometimes it bums me out, but usually I shake it off and find another guy to pursue.

There are a lot of reasons why I may not reply right away. Maybe I am not sure if I am interested; maybe I can’t respond right that moment; maybe I need time to craft a great response.

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This guy messaged me this morning at 5:50am with the oh so amazing message of “Hi”. He just messaged me again at 11:31am. Again, with the engaging message of “Hi”.

The same thing happened yesterday and today with another guy. This guy messaged me last night at 9:04pm and again this morning at 6:31am.

What does this say about these guys? Are they desperate, so incredibly interested and attracted to me that they just can’t let me go without a fight or are they so self-centered that they can’t understand why I wouldn’t be interested. Or maybe a bit of both?

Should I not be so irritated by this? Let’s be honest, I am irritated by most facets of online dating, but this might be close to the top of my list.

*Disclaimer: A lot of the time, I do respond to guys to say thank you, but I am not interested.*

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Just Do Something!

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So I have been talking to this guy, let’s call him Deli Guy, since…July? Maybe June. And we haven’t met yet. I will admit then when we first started talking, I was crazy busy with Irish Dance, vacations, etc so that was all me. And then “I’m Not Like Other Guys” guy happened…we all know how that turned out. So I told Deli Guy that it wouldn’t work out. Plus Deli Guy had pissed me off with his lack of follow through after we had set a date to meet {finally}.

But after things fizzled with “I’m Not Like Other Guys” guy, I reached back out to Deli Guy. I realized that I had jumped the gun and miscommunication happens with no ill intent. Ever since then, we have texted on and off, but nothing more. He has asked if I am available to talk on the phone, but both times, I was already busy.

I will admit I am completely losing interest in him. He has a job doesn’t make it easy to meet, but he also hasn’t thrown out any potential dates above and beyond what I have given him.

Here’s the thing…I am going through this with another guy in addition to Deli Guy. This guy, let’s call him J-Man. J-Man and I have been messaging on the dating app for a few weeks, possibly a bit over a month. I keep waiting for him to ask for my phone number and he hasn’t. Now, I haven’t offered it up to him either. I may see what happens if I do, but honestly, I am not all that interested. I may just let whatever this is with J-Man fizzle into the abyss of the worldwide interwebs.

What is it with some guys move at the speed of a snail crossing the street while other guys immediately ask for your phone number? Where is the middle ground?

On that note, I hope every one of you dear readers {if you celebrate} has a wonderful and happy Thanksgiving.

Impress Me!

I may have written about this before (this is what I get for not tagging all of my posts for easy searching), but it most likely bears repeating.

Listen carefully – first impressions do matter! They matter when you are applying for a job, they matter when you are going on an interview, they matter when you are messaging someone on a dating site, they matter when you are meeting someone for a first date.

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I am not telling anyone that you should dress like you are going to a black tie gala for a first date, but put some effort into your appearance. When I go on a first date, I always try and look my best – a nice outfit usually consisting of jeans and a sweater or a sundress in the summer. Relaxed, but put together.

I am so sick of guys showing up to first dates in jeans and a ratty t-shirt. Have you seen the Ultra Downy commercial? I haven’t ever had a guy show up looking that raggedy, but if you can’t put effort into your appearance on a first date, I shudder to think what date 5, 6 and 7 would bring. I would never say to not be yourself, but is throwing on a button down or polo too much to ask for? And maybe shoes that aren’t tennis shoes?

Am I overthinking this? Should it not matter what someone is wearing? I think it should – believe me, there are some dates that I would love to show up to in sweats and a t-shirt with a beanie thrown on my head. But I don’t, and I never would unless I were in an established relationship.

What do you think? Let me know your opinions!

 

He’s Not Like Other Guys…I Call BS

I met a guy that I was incredibly jazzed about. He was a friend of a friend, but we didn’t technically meet through her. He messaged me on Facebook, we got to talking and hit it off.

This was on a Thursday night – we messaged for a couple of hours and he asked if I wanted to get a drink on Friday night. Normally, I don’t accept last minute dates, but I figured why the heck not (I had just been ghosted by a guy and had just gone through the catfishing nonsense).

We made plans to chat on Friday and firm up Friday night. He had to watch his son play football so we weren’t going to meet until after the game. It reminded me of college – getting ready to go at 8:30 and not leaving the house until almost 9:30. We met at a local bar and spent FOUR hours together. It was such a blast.

We texted all weekend, the texts were flirty and fun, yet I continued to get to know him. He repeatedly said he wasn’t like other guys and so far, he wasn’t acting like the rash of idiots that I had been dealing with as of late. We met up on Monday night for a quick coffee date while the kid was at dance. Again, the conversation (and kisses) flowed. I couldn’t see him again that week, but the flirty and fun texts continued.

A week later, we spent some more time together. Things were looking up – I was even contemplating how soon was too soon to delete all of my dating site apps. The texts continued in the same vein for the majority of the week and then…almost crickets! Some texts, but they were short and to the point. No more flirting! I had a busy weekend so I didn’t ruminate on this latest development too much.

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He messaged me on Monday very, very briefly and so unlike our previous texts. I said that I was having dinner with a friend, but asked if he wanted to get together and nothing. So on Tuesday, I sent him “the text”…you know the one. I am not just going to sit around and waste my time if a guy isn’t interested. All I got back was “just been busy.” I am no longer going to let guys control everything – I am not that kind of girl. So if this makes me crazy or pushy or needy, so be it. But I am not going to put up with the bullshit anymore.

I am still incredibly confused, and I don’t get what is going on. He hasn’t accepted any of my invitations (I have extended 2) to spend time together in over a week. It just sucks because I was, and still am, incredibly attracted to him. And I haven’t enjoyed being a guy this much in a long time.

So ladies, what should I do? My gut says to move on, but it’s really hard with this guy. I figure I will give it a bit more time and if nothing happens, I will give him the ol’ heave ho.

Bursting the Male Ego…Unintentionally

tumblr_p7hyudG89u1s9c6nao1_1280Oh the male ego – who knew that men were so fragile? And no, this isn’t a commentary on how men need to be strong, masculine, etc – it’s more about how they can’t seem to accept a rejection with grace; and move on without having to push back to make whatever point they are trying to make over and over and over again.

Within the last two weeks, one of my closest friends and I have both had run ins with the male ego.

It’s so frustrating! Irritating! Absurd! All of the above!

My friend’s run in with the male ego dealt with a topic a bit more serious than mine did, but it still revolved around a guy not taking no for answer and trying to man-splain to her why she should want to go out on date number 2 with him. She had gone out on a coffee date with this guy on a Friday, he texted her later that weekend and asked her to go out on a second date. She hemmed and hawed about it, we had a long conversation about it and she decided to trust her gut and decline because she had uncovered a large red flag about him. Well, not so much uncovered it as he told her outright. 

I think his text messages explain it way better than I ever could…

 

Good riddance? Good riddance to him!

My run in with the male ego dealt with a guy who had ghosted me for a date. We were supposed to go out (the same night as my friend had her date), but I never heard from him after he told me that he couldn’t meet until after 7 as his daughters were with him until then. I was fine with that – I don’t want to be with a guy who would ditch his kids. 

Quite a few days later (!), he had the nerve to text me. I didn’t respond to the text right away, sought intelligent counsel and decided to respond in with one word. 

Again, I look to text messages to enlighten you all…

(I didn’t tell him that the reason I didn’t wish to pursue this is that I ended up having a different date that night that went swimmingly.)

My friend and I decided that there has definitely been an uptick in men not being able to accept no. I definitely didn’t deal with this in the past as much as I have dealt with it lately. 

So what is going on? Why can’t guys just accept what you say (and yes, I know women do this too). 

“Him” (Pt. 2)

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Last night, I decided to have a little fun with Mr. Catfish. My friend, Brittany, has been dying to let me let her respond to guys who contact me on the dating sites that I am on. I have always said no, but last night I said YES! And happily handed my phone over to her.

Is what we did mature, heck no! But was it funny, absolutely! We started out by sharing the blog post that I wrote. What followed was nothing short of genius. I wish I could have gotten a picture of her double fisting phones while doing research on catfish on her phone and sending responses on my phone.

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I hoped that these messages would be the end of it. Was it? Of course not! I woke up at 3:30 am to this message…5 (1)

Is Mr. Catfish really that dense that he doesn’t know I am talking about him? Or does he just not care? I didn’t respond and I don’t plan on it. But I am going to keep the messaging app for another day or so just to see what happens.

I will admit for about 5 seconds, I did wonder if I messed up and he wasn’t really catfishing me. I came to my senses and realized his response is classically narcissistic. And with all the evidence, there is no way that anything else was happening.

Hey Mr. Catfish you were caught! And guess what? I let the two other guys know that you have been using their pictures to pick up women.

Here’s some free advice Mr. Catfish – stop swimming upstream, doing what you are doing and be real – you may actually hook a woman that way.

“Him” (Pt. 1)

So…I come to you, friends and loyal readers, and ask you to not pass judgment on what I am about to put out here. I, one of the most jaded people around, was fooled; and now I feel like an idiot.

I…WAS…CATFISHED…

This person approached me on one of the dating sites that I am on. I almost (and I should have) passed on him because he is military. Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t date military, cops or firefighters for various reasons. But for a million reasons that I can’t seem to remember, I engaged with Mr. Catfish. Oh wait, for one, Mr. Catfish was GORGEOUS! Like Toronto level gorgeous. And he wrote in full and complete sentences with punctuation.

So I started chatting with him, after a few days of messaging on the dating site, he asked to move to a different chat app. I agreed. Once again, I am not sure why – I have never done that before. But I rationalized that it is no different than messaging on the dating site or texting.

Things seemed to be going well and we seemed to be connecting. I was still nervous about the whole military thing – how do you like a person, but don’t like the job that this person has? I figured I would cross the bridge when it was absolutely necessary.

Over the past few days, Mr. Catfish would say things that didn’t quite make sense to me, but I know little to nothing about the military and its operations so I went along with it while ignoring the tiny niggling feeling in my stomach. I did question Mr. Catfish a bit, but he seemed to have answers that made sense or could make sense if I didn’t think too hard about them.

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I even googled Mr. Catfish using the name that I had been provided via the messaging app. Interestingly enough, a guy came up on the Google search that had a very similar background as this person, but enough differences that a person could look past the similarities to focus on the differences. And the name that had been provided to me was a name that could be quite common. I did notice that one of the pictures Mr. Catfish has posted on the messaging app did look like the other guy that my Google search found. At that point, I don’t know why I didn’t say anything – who knows, I was too caught up in the moment.

This morning, a friend texted me; that text really planted a huge seed of doubt in my head. I had told her about Mr. Catfish last night. She said that the information seemed oddly similar to what a guy on the same dating site had shared with her. There were enough tiny details that I thought maybe it wasn’t the same person, but I wasn’t going to ignore my gut feelings again.

Since I had pictures that Mr. Catfish had sent me, I decided to do a Google image search. HOLY SHIT – it’s a good thing I was sitting down when the search was complete and that I have pretty good heart health. If not, I would have been passed out on the floor after having a heart attack.

My search led me to an Instagram page of a guy; and every single picture that Mr. Catfish had on his dating profile (which is no longer on the site) or he had sent me, was on this IG page.

I had been catfished…I am sick to my stomach, distracted and just want to curl up in a ball and die. How did an intelligent, jaded woman such as myself fall for this?

To be continued…